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Алиса в стране чудес
...ld not, would not, could not, could not join the
dance.
- What matters it how far we go? - his scaly friend replied. - There
is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The further off from
England the nearer is to France-Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but
come and join the dance.
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
- Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch, - said Alice,
feeling very glad that it was over at last: - and I do so like that
curious song about the whiting!
- Oh, as to the whiting, - said the Mock Turtle, - they - you've seen
them, of course?
- Yes, - said Alice, - I've often seen them at dinn - she checked
herself hastily.
- I don't know where Dinn may be, - said the Mock Turtle, - but if
you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.
- I believe so, - Alice replied thoughtfully. - They have their tails
in their mouths - and they're all over crumbs.
- You're wrong about the crumbs, - said the Mock Turtle: - crumbs
would all wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths;
and the reason is - here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. - Tell
her about the reason and all that, - he said to the Gryphon.
- The reason is, - said the Gryphon, - that they WOULD go with the
lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall
a long way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't
get them out again. That's all.
- Thank you, - said Alice, - it's very interesting. I never knew so
much about a whiting before.
- I can tell you more than that, if you like, - said the Gryphon. -
Do you know why it's called a whiting?
- I never thought about it, - said Alice. - Why?
- IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES. - the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. - Does the boots and shoes! - she repeated
in a wondering tone.
- Why, what are YOUR shoes done with? - said the Gryphon. - I mean,
what makes them so shiny?
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave
her answer. - They're done with blacking, I believe.
- Boots and shoes under the sea, - the Gryphon went on in a deep
voice, - are done with a whiting. Now you know.
- And what are they made of? - Alice asked in a tone of great
curiosity.
- Soles and eels, of course, - the Gryphon replied rather
impatiently: - any shrimp could have told you that.
- If I'd been the whiting, - said Alice, whose thoughts were still
running on the song, - I'd have said to the porpoise, - Keep back, please:
we don't want YOU with us!
- They were obliged to have him with them, - the Mock Turtle said: -
no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise. - Wouldn't it really? -
said Alice in a tone of great surprise. - Of course not, - said the Mock
Turtle: - why, if a fish came to ME, and told me he was going a journey, I
should say - With what porpoise?
- Don't you mean - purpose - ? - said Alice.
- I mean what I say, - the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone.
And the Gryphon added - Come, let's hear some of YOUR adventures.
- I could tell you my adventures - beginning from this morning, -
said Alice a little timidly: - but it's no use going back to yesterday,
because I was a different person then.
- Explain all that, - said the Mock Turtle.
- No, no! The adventures first, - said the Gryphon in an impatient
tone: - explanations take such a dreadful time.
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she
first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at
first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went on.
Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about her
repeating - YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM, - to the Caterpillar, and the
words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
and said - That's very curious.
- It's all about as curious as it can be, - said the Gryphon.
- It all came different! - the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. - I
should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to begin. -
He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority
over Alice.
- Stand up and repeat - 'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD, - said the
Gryphon.
- How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!
thought Alice; - I might as well be at school at once. - However, she got
up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
very queer indeed:
- 'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
- You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair. As a duck with
its eyelids, so he with his nose Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns
out his toes.
[later editions continued as follows
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
- That's different from what I used to say when I was a child, - said
the Gryphon.
- Well, I never heard it before, - said the Mock Turtle; - but it
sounds uncommon nonsense.
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.
- I should like to have it explained, - said the Mock Turtle.
- She can't explain it, - said the Gryphon hastily. - Go on with the
next verse.
- But about his toes? - the Mock Turtle persisted. - How COULD he
turn them out with his nose, you know?
- It's the first position in dancing. - Alice said; but was
dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
- Go on with the next verse, - the Gryphon repeated impatiently: - it
begins - I passed by his garden.
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:
- I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, How the Owl and
the Panther were sharing a pie
[later editions continued as follows
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
And concluded the banquet - ]
- What IS the use of repeating all that stuff, - the Mock Turtle
interrupted, - if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most
confusing thing I ever heard!
- Yes, I think you'd better leave off, - said the Gryphon: and Alice
was only too glad to do so.
- Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille? - the Gryphon
went on. - Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?
- Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind, - Alice
replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended toe,
- Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her - Turtle Soup, - will you,
old fellow?
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
with sobs, to sing this:
- Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot tureen! Who for
such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Soup
of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Soo - oop of the e - e - evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
- Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, Game, or any other dish? Who
would not give all else for two p ennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Soo - oop of the e - e - evening,
Beautiful, beauti - FUL SOUP!
- Chorus again! - cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just
begun to repeat it, when a cry of - The trial's beginning! - was heard in
the distance.
- Come on! - cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it
hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.
- What trial is it? - Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
answered - Come on! - and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:
- Soo - oop of the e - e - evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
CHAPTER XI
Who Stole the Tarts?
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them - all sorts of little
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him;
and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a
scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a
table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it
made Alice quite hungry to look at them - I wish they'd get the trial
done, - she thought, - and hand round the refreshments! - But there seemed
to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to
pass away the time.
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the
name of nearly everything there. - That's the judge, - she said to
herself, - because of his great wig.
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over
the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he
did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
- And that's the jury-box, - thought Alice, - and those twelve
creatures, - (she was obliged to say - creatures, - you see, because some
of them were animals, and some were birds,) - I suppose they are the
jurors. - She said this last word two or three times over to herself,
being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few
little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, - jury-men
- would have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. - What are
they doing? - Alice whispered to the Gryphon. - They can't have anything
to put down yet, before the trial's begun.
- They're putting down their names, - the Gryphon whispered in reply,
- for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial. - Stupid
things! - Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily,
for the White Rabbit cried out, - Silence in the court! - and the King put
on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
that all the jurors were writing down - stupid things! - on their slates,
and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell -
stupid, - and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. - A nice
muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over! - thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very
soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that
the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all
what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged
to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very
little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
- Herald, read the accusation! - said the King. On this the White
Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment
scroll, and read as follows:
- The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!
- Consider your verdict, - the King said to the jury.
- Not yet, not yet! - the Rabbit hastily interrupted. - There's a
great deal to come before that!
- Call the first witness, - said the King; and the White Rabbit blew
three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, - First witness!
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. - I beg pardon, your
Majesty, - he began, - for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
my tea when I was sent for.
- You ought to have finished, - said the King. - When did you begin?
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court,
arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. - Fourteenth of March, I think it was, - he
said.
- Fifteenth, - said the March Hare.
- Sixteenth, - added the Dormouse.
- Write that down, - the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
- Take off your hat, - the King said to the Hatter.
- It isn't mine, - said the Hatter.
- Stolen! - the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly
made a memorandum of the fact.
- I keep them to sell, - the Hatter added as an explanation; - I've
none of my own. I'm a hatter.
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the
Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
- Give your evidence, - said the King; - and don't be nervous, or
I'll have you executed on the spot.
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
form one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his
confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which
puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning
to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
long as there was room for her.
- I wish you wouldn't squeeze so. - said the Dormouse, who was
sitting next to her. - I can hardly breathe.
- I can't help it, - said Alice very meekly: - I'm growing.
- You've no right to grow here, - said the Dormouse.
- Don't talk nonsense, - said Alice more boldly: - you know you're
growing too.
- Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace, - said the Dormouse: - not in
that ridiculous fashion. - And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to
the other side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter,
and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the
officers of the court, - Bring me the list of the singers in the last
concert! - on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both
his shoes off.
- Give your evidence, - the King repeated angrily, - or I'll have you
executed, whether you're nervous or not.
- I'm a poor man, your Majesty, - the Hatter began, in a trembling
voice, - and I hadn't begun my tea - not above a week or so - and what
with the bread-and-butter getting so thin - and the twinkling of the tea
- The twinkling of the what? - said the King.
- It began with the tea, - the Hatter replied.
- Of course twinkling begins with a T! - said the King sharply. - Do
you take me for a dunce? Go on!
- I'm a poor man, - the Hatter went on, - and most things twinkled
after that - only the March Hare said
- I didn't! - said the Hatter.
- I deny it! - said the King: - leave out that part.
- Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said - the Hatter went on, looking
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
nothing, being fast asleep.
- After that, - continued the Hatter, - I cut some more bread
and-butter
- But what did the Dormouse say? - one of the jury asked.
- That I can't remember, - said the Hatter.
- You MUST remember, - remarked the King, - or I'll have you
executed. The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
and went down on one knee. - I'm a poor man, your Majesty, - he began.
- You're a very poor speaker, - said the King. Here one of the
guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it
was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with
strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat
upon it.)
- I'm glad I've seen that done, - thought Alice. - I've so often read
in the newspapers, at the end of trials, - There was some attempts at
applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court, -
and I never understood what it meant till now.
- If that's all you know about it, you may stand down, - continued
the King.
- I can't go no lower, - said the Hatter: - I'm on the floor, as it
is.
- Then you may SIT down, - the King replied. Here the other
guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed. - Come, that finished the
guinea-pigs! - thought Alice. - Now we shall get on better.
- I'd rather finish my tea, - said the Hatter, with an anxious look
at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
- You may go, - said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the
court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
- and just take his head off outside, - the Queen added to one of the
officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to
the door.
- Call the next witness! - said the King. The next witness was the
Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed
who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the people near
the door began sneezing all at once.
- Give your evidence, - said the King.
- Shan't, - said the cook. The King looked anxiously at the White
Rabbit, who said in a low voice, - Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS
witness.
- Well, if I must, I must, - the King said, with a melancholy air,
and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, - What are tarts made of?
- Pepper, mostly, - said the cook.
- Treacle, - said a sleepy voice behind her.
- Collar that Dormouse, - the Queen shrieked out. - Behead that
Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off
with his whiskers!
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the
Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the
cook had disappeared.
- Never mind! - said the King, with an air of great relief. - Call
the next witness. - And he added in an undertone to the Queen, - Really,
my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my
forehead ache!
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling
very curious to see what the next witness would be like, - for they
haven't got much evidence YET, - she said to herself. Imagine her
surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little
voice, the name - Alice!
CHAPTER XII
Alice's Evidence
- Here! - cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment
how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
she had accidentally upset the week before.
- Oh, I BEG your pardon! - she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay,
and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident
of the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
they would die.
- The trial cannot proceed, - said the King in a very grave voice, -
until all the jurymen are back in their proper places-ALL, - he repeated
with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got
it out again, and put it right; - not that it signifies much, - she said
to herself; - I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial
one way up as the other.
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
court.
- What do you know about this business? - the King said to Alice.
- Nothing, - said Alice.
- Nothing WHATEVER? - persisted the King.
- Nothing whatever, - said Alice.
- That's very important, - the King said, turning to the jury. They
were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White
Rabbit interrupted: - UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course, - he
said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he
spoke.
- UNimportant, of course, I meant, - the King hastily said, and went
on to himself in an undertone,
- important - unimportant-unimportant - important - as if he were
trying which word sounded best.
Some of the jury wrote it down - important, - and some - unimportant.
Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; -
but it doesn't matter a bit, - she thought to herself.
At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
his note-book, cackled out - Silence! - and read out from his book,
- Rule Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE
COURT.
Everybody looked at Alice. - I'M not a mile high, - said Alice. - You
are, - said the King. - Nearly two miles high, - added the Queen. - Well,
I shan't go, at any rate, - said Alice: - besides, that's not a regular
rule: you invented it just now.
- It's the oldest rule in the book, - said the King.
- Then it ought to be Number One, - said Alice. The King turned pale,
and shut his note-book hastily. - Consider your verdict, - he said to the
jury, in a low, trembling voice.
- There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty, - said the
White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; - this paper has just been
picked up.
- What's in it? - said the Queen.
- I haven't opened it yet, said the White Rabbit, - but it seems to
be a letter, written by the prisoner to - to somebody.
- It must have been that, - said the King, - unless it was written to
nobody, which isn't usual, you know.
- Who is it directed to? - said one of the jurymen.
- It isn't directed at all, - said the White Rabbit; - in fact,
there's nothing written on the OUTSIDE. - He unfolded the paper as he
spoke, and added - It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.
- Are they in the prisoner's handwriting? - asked another of they
jurymen.
- No, they're not, - said the White Rabbit, - and that's the queerest
thing about it. - (The jury all looked puzzled.)
- He must have imitated somebody else's hand, - said the King. (The
jury all brightened up again.)
- Please your Majesty, - said the Knave, - I didn't write it, and
they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.
- If you didn't sign it, - said the King, - that only makes the
matter worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed
your name like an honest man.
There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first
really clever thing the King had said that day.
- That PROVES his guilt, - said the Queen.
- It proves nothing of the sort! - said Alice. - Why, you don't even
know what they're about!
- Read them, - said the King. The White Rabbit put on his spectacles.
- Where shall I begin, please your Majesty? - he asked.
- Begin at the beginning, - the King said gravely, - and go on till
you come to the end: then stop.
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:
- They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him:
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone
(We know it to be true):
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?
I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.
If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair,
He trusts to you to set them free,
Exactly as we were.
My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.
Don't let him know she liked them best,
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.
- That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet, - said
the King, rubbing his hands; - so now let the jury
- If any one of them can explain it, - said Alice, (she had grown so
large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting
him,) - I'll give him sixpenc
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